Rules of the Universe

A buddy of mine from bagpipe practice shared these with me.  I think there is some good wisdom in these, and I thought I’d share these with you.

Have a good day today.

Nate

Rules of the Universe 2009 Edition

*1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.
*
*2. Don’t worry about what people think; they don’t do it very often.
*


*3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a
garage makes you a car.
*
*4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
*
*5. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
*
*6. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice
person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)
*
*7. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
*
*8. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the vacation.
*
*10. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
*
*11. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
*
*12. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. Embrace your
differences. Love each other.
*
*13. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
*
*14. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
*
*15. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist
change places.
*
*16. Opportunities always look bigger after they have passed.
*
*17. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks
before you need it.
*
*18. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
*
*19. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake
when you make it again..
*
*20. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
*
*21. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
*
*22. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real
world.
*
*23. It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.
*
*24. There is a very fine line between ‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness.’
*
*25. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.
*
*26. You should not confuse your career with your life.
*
*27. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
*
*28. Never lick a steak knife.
*
*29. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
*
*30. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.
*
*31. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
from her at that moment.
*
*32. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside,
we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
*
*33. Your friends love you anyway.
*
*34. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur
built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
*
*35. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?*

About Nate Prentice, MSW, LCSW, CAS-PC

Nate Prentice, MSW, LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Pastoral Counselor who maintains a private psychotherapy practice in Drexel Hill, PA.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s